I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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