I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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