Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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