I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
