a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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