____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
