tell your sister to shave her snatch
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
