you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
