Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
