i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
