I should be sponsored by Trojan
nutella sex= disaster
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
