Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow