I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you inspire me to be a worse person
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
