I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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