And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
