i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As shirtless as possible
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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