ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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