you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
