At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
