my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
