I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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