I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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