I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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