My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
