just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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