I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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