I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
