I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I love having hate sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
