hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
