I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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