dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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