i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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