He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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