That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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