Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
