he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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