I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
