I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
