I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
