it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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