i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
