Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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