Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
