I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
