put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
