Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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