what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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