I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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