he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
