No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
