saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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