um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
