You're my little dorito
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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