Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
