lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
