I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize