I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
