I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
