walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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