would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
