He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
