Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize