Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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