i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
there is glitter all over my balls
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