Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
