i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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