i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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