you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
