he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
