Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
