Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
wat bout pragnant strippers??
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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