Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
