i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
