Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
