i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
