saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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