I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
