I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
