apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
