Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize